My Scars, My Tattoo, My Story
By Shinara Hussain
A tweet caught my eye last week, well the picture did at first. It was of a tattoo someone had recently had done of the LY: Answer hearts; I saw the picture and loved it immediately.
Then I read the words that followed the picture; and the meaning of the tattoo changed for me. I reached out to the OG and asked them to share their story and explain the meaning behind the tattoo. So in their own words...
My Scars, My Tattoo, My Story
by
Victoria
My name is Victoria, and I'm 16 years old. I'm originally from Pennsylvania, but I recently moved to Florida over a year ago. I've dealt with self hatred, self harm, severe depression, anxiety and social anxiety for 5 years. It was in the 6th grade when a lot of the stuff started for me, but in 7th grade (which was my first year of middle school) is really when I started to struggle.
I was hated by pretty much the whole grade. Every single day in 7th grade, something would happen, I'd either be in the guidance counsellors office, the principals office, or in the back of the classroom crying. By the second week of school, I didn't want to go anymore, I was too scared because of how often I was bullied. The school staff didn't care about me or what was going on. They treated the people who were getting bullied (me) like absolute garbage; yet those who were doing the bullying were treated like they were the victims. My teachers liked to tell me that I was making up my mental illnesses.
I found myself lying to my parents a lot, telling them that I was sick and couldn't go. When my parents would leave for work, I would start crying, and I would look for something to hurt myself. It wasn't the first time I hurt myself, I did it a lot in 6th grade too, but 7th grade is just where it got worse. I was doing it constantly, until my one friend found out; I was friends with the girl that found out for 6 years. When she found out that I had started self harming, she told my principal and guidance counsellor, and she stopped being my friend a few days later.
I found myself lying to my parents a lot, telling them that I was sick and couldn't go. When my parents would leave for work, I would start crying, and I would look for something to hurt myself. It wasn't the first time I hurt myself, I did it a lot in 6th grade too, but 7th grade is just where it got worse. I was doing it constantly, until my one friend found out; I was friends with the girl that found out for 6 years. When she found out that I had started self harming, she told my principal and guidance counsellor, and she stopped being my friend a few days later.
I ended up leaving school a few weeks after because of the bullying and how bad things were getting, I was missing too much school, and a few months after that I left school. I came back and the same stuff happened. I ended up leaving again after a few weeks. On my last day of school there I went there even though I was too scared to go. I was being enrolled into an online school the following week; my principal didn't know that I was being taken out of school yet. That whole day I hid in the staffs office. When my parents came to the the school to pick me up my principal told both me and my parents, and I quote this directly, "If she's too scared to come to school again, either you, the parents, or me will call 911, to put her in an ambulance and bring her to school." That day was the last time my principal saw me.
After I left again, I was harassed by someone that was in my classes, and by his mother. Things like that aren't easy, especially when you're only 12 years old.
Not wanting to go into too much detail, I was friends with this boy at one point, so he had my phone number. One day (when I was no longer in school), I started getting a bunch of texts from a number that I didn't know. I was being called a lot of nasty names, I was then told that I needed to stop being a bitch and that I needed to leave her son alone and to stop spreading rumours about him. I had no idea what was going on because I wasn't even in school anymore, and I've never talked bad about this kid. The boy then started to text me as well, and that's when I knew that it was the mother texting me earlier. It got so bad that I had to get my parents involved and we then had to call the police.
If anyone is being harassed by ANYONE, get your parents involved and call the police, because you don't know what could happen in a situation like that, and it's better to be safe than sorry.
Not wanting to go into too much detail, I was friends with this boy at one point, so he had my phone number. One day (when I was no longer in school), I started getting a bunch of texts from a number that I didn't know. I was being called a lot of nasty names, I was then told that I needed to stop being a bitch and that I needed to leave her son alone and to stop spreading rumours about him. I had no idea what was going on because I wasn't even in school anymore, and I've never talked bad about this kid. The boy then started to text me as well, and that's when I knew that it was the mother texting me earlier. It got so bad that I had to get my parents involved and we then had to call the police.
If anyone is being harassed by ANYONE, get your parents involved and call the police, because you don't know what could happen in a situation like that, and it's better to be safe than sorry.
In April of 2017, I moved 1000 miles away from home, leaving me heart broken & still struggling. I struggled alone with nothing to cope with, until I was 15.
In December of 2017, I found BTS through my cousin. I don't know what it was about them at the time, they just always made me smile, and that was a hard thing to make me do. In January 2018 I became an ARMY. Whenever I was struggling I would just instantly go to their videos, I wouldn't feel 100% better, I felt a little better; and that's all that mattered.
I ended up making a stan account in February and I was making so many friends with people who had the same interests as me, and I was just feeling a lot better from that. The āLove Yourselfā series has made such a HUGE impact on my life; if wasnāt for BTS and that series I would still be struggling. Thatās why I got my tattoo. February is the last time I self harmed, and itās all because of BTS.
I met my girlfriend (@swiftsjungkook) through them because of stan twitter, and I also got to reconnect with 2 of my friends from middle school that were always there for me (@breakfastyoongi & @hoseokhaven). My 16th birthday was in June, and I remember asking my parents if I could get a tattoo for my birthday and for my scars, and they said yes. I ended up waiting to get my tattoo, I wasnāt originally going to get a BTS related one but something completely different. Iām now glad that I waited. BTS helped me learn how to love myself. I wouldnāt know how to love myself if it wasnāt for them. Whenever I look at my arm, I want to look at my scars and not be ashamed of them. I now love myself and my scars. My scars are a part of me, and my whole story.
I would like to thank Victoria for sharing her story with us. If you are or know anyone who may be going through the same thing or wish to know more about the subject, you can contact the following organisations for help and advice.
Call: 0808 800 5000
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk
Call: 0800 1111 (for under 18's)
This number will not show up on your phone bill
Call: 116 123 / 08457 909090
Email: jo@samaritan.org
Call: 0808 802 5544
(Campaign Against Living Miserably - CALM (for men))
Call: 0800 585858
If you have a story to share or any ideas why not contact us; leave a comment below or alternatively we can be found on:
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