Torch Song - Murray Stein

BTS help people, it's a fact, they help through their words, their songs their actions and just being who they are.

It's also fair to say that they themselves represent the most under supported gender in terms of mental health care.

They have never been shy in talking about how they feel, the hardships they have gone through and how they have come out the other side.

We at BTS Radio UK wanted to come together with ARMY across the world to support a charity wholly focused on the mental health of men, preventing suicide and supporting the families affected by male mental health.

WHAT IS CALM?

We are the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) and we’re leading a movement against suicide, the single biggest killer of men under the age of 45 in the UK through frontline services, national campaigns, and by building communities.

WHY?

·         6,507 people died by suicide in 2018 (ONS)

·         Every day on average 17 people take their own life in the UK and three in every four suicides are male (ONS)

·         Of men under the age of 45 in the UK, more than 4 in 10 have contemplated taking their own life, but fewer than half these men told anyone how they were feeling (YouGov)

·         Only 55% of men who’ve experienced depression will tell anyone about it, compared to 67% of women (CALM’s Masculinity Audit 2016).

·         84% of men say they bottle up their emotions (YouGov)

HOW?

CALM takes an active and positive approach to changing this unacceptable picture:

1. We operate on the front line, delivering services for anyone in crisis or distress, supporting the people around them who are looking for advice, and those bereaved by suicide
2. We campaign for long-term culture change to help raise awareness of suicide and change a culture where some people feel they can’t ask, or shouldn’t, ask for help when they’re down.
3. We spread our message and facilitate supportive spaces in workplaces, universities, pubs, clubs and prisons across the country – so that people feel empowered to share their experiences and get the help they need before they reach the point of crisis.

THE CALM APPROACH

CALM is a platform for expression and collaboration, where we actively reject living miserably to embrace and celebrate all interpretations of masculinity. 

CALM PROVIDES 

Frontline services

·         Anyone can hit crisis point. We run a free and confidential helpline and webchat – 7 hours a day, 7 days a week for anyone who needs to talk about life’s problems

·         We support those bereaved by suicide, through the Support After Suicide Partnership (SASP)

·         theCALMzone.net is CALM’s website, hosting inspiring content alongside information and support

Campaigns

·         Everyone has a part to play. We campaign with media partners, brands and ambassadors to spread awareness of suicide and its devastating impact with campaigns like #Project84, #DontBottleItUp and The Best Man Project. We challenge boring male stereotypes and encourage positive behavioural change and help-seeking behaviour, using cultural touch points like art, music, sport and comedy

OUR IMPACT

·         CALM’s helpline and webchat services directly prevented 675 suicides in 2018

·         Since CALM was founded in 2006, awareness of male suicide has quadrupled and currently sits at 45% nationally

·         CALM supports in excess of 10,000 contacts on the helpline and webchat each month

WHERE THE MONEY GOES

·         £8     Enables CALM to answer one potentially life-saving call

·         £24   Provides support materials to 4 families who have lost someone to suicide

·         £109 Equips a volunteer with vital training and ongoing support to spread the CALM message across the UK

·         £440 Trains and equips a professional helpline worker to speak to people in crisis

thecalmzone.net | @thecalmzone

We are hoping you will donate towards this wonderful charity and the work it is doing, here https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/bts-radio-uk-mybtstorchsong

To thank you for your support we approached some male army to talk about their experiences of mental health, they have kindly sent us their BTS songs that have become their torch songs, songs that touch you and get you through those moments something CALM knows about through their torch songs campaign.  #whatsyourtorchsong 

Read and share their stories, thank them for their honesty, donate and listen to their joint playlist here: #MyBTSTorchSong in support of CALM

By now most BTS fans will be familiar with Dr. Murray Stein and his works on Jungian theory which strongly influenced BTS' latest album, 'Map of the Soul: Persona'.

Having spent the past 52 years studying and lecturing on Carl Jung's works across the world, an accomplished author with more than a dozen books to his name, and having worked in the field of psychotherapy for many many years, Dr. Stein is an expert on the study of the human psyche and the struggles it can be faced with. Therefore, after our interview with him earlier this year where we explored Jungian concepts in more detail, he was an obvious choice to approach for our series on male mental health.

Men's Mental Health

by Murray Stein

Many men are afraid of going into psychotherapy because of the stigma often attached to the notion of needing help from a trained professional for psychological problems. I am a Jungian psychoanalyst, and I have had to confront this issue both in public and in private on many occasions.

Even if men are reluctant to go to a medical doctor when they have symptoms of illness, nevertheless they do not feel shame when they tell others about their visits to the medical profession. It is generally accepted that physical health is important for well-being and success. But mental health is every bit as important as physical health, if not even more so because of the handicaps it places on a man’s material success and emotional development.

It is a shame that this negative attitude toward seeking assistance for emotional problems continues in our time, when so many men could benefit from even brief psychotherapy, and even more so from long term psychotherapeutic treatment. Men especially need to get over the idea that it is a sign of weakness to seek psychotherapeutic help when we need it. Mental health is important!

What is mental health?

It is fairly easy to recognise mental illness when we see it, especially in its more extreme forms. Mental illness causes a type of social and emotional distress that is fairly obvious to friends and family. It isolates a person and causes pain to the people around. But when we think of mental health, we should not be deceived into thinking that this means the complete absence of suffering. Mental health is indicated when a person deals with suffering positively and creatively. Mental health actually makes suffering a positive experience because it can motivate change. To suffer emotionally is not necessarily a bad thing. But to suffer blindly and without hope is a problem that should be solved. What psychotherapy can do is to help a person find a way to give meaning and direction to suffering, not to eliminate suffering from life entirely. Suffering can be a teacher.

What are some of the sources of suffering in young (and also older) men today?

As it has ever been, much of our suffering as men comes from the longing for love in our lives. The songs of BTS often dwell on this theme of problems with love. Many men don’t feel loved enough, or respected enough. The people they want to love them abandon them or find someone else they prefer.

This is a source of some of the most intense emotional suffering a man will ever know. What is the solution for this suffering? The BTS song, “I’m Fine,” proposes, in an ironic way, a false solution to this problem. The singers pretend it doesn’t matter – “I’m fine!” Obviously, this seemingly bold statement is a defense against the pain of love’s absence; it is not a solution. The solution is better expressed in the song, “Love Myself.” If we can love ourselves, we won’t need the love of others quite as much. We can find love within ourselves and need not search desperately for it from someone else. Nor will we have to deny the need for love. Love means acceptance – of oneself and of the other person involved.

A healthy mind can suffer, can bear suffering, can contain suffering, and can use suffering creatively. Mental illness stems from the absence of this capacity to contain and work with suffering creatively. Psychotherapy tries to help suffering men develop this capacity.

Another cause of mental suffering is lack of meaning. Every day looks the same, empty of hope or expectation. BTS sings about this type of suffering in the song, “Tomorrow.” The empty repetition of the same old things day after day leads to a state of depression. Psychotherapists are asked to deal with this type of suffering regularly. Everybody feels this way sometimes, and some men get stuck here. But this is a problem with a solution. When energy and interest and motivation disappear from our conscious lives, they need to be found. Energy for living doesn't just evaporate. It has fallen into a black hole within, and it can be found and brought back. The skilled psychotherapist has tools for finding it and bringing it back for living forward, not backward. The psychotherapist will ask a depressed man about his dreams. The dreams will show the way back to a life with hope and meaning. The psyche knows how to heal itself, but sometimes it needs assistance to get back on track.

The view that mental and emotional suffering is “sick” misleads us into thinking we should not suffer, that we should always be happy and content. This is a false dream. Life isn’t like that, and it isn’t like that for a reason. If we were always happy and content, we would not be motivated to grow and to use our capacities to be creative. Problems call for solutions, and solutions carry us forward. Growth and development need a certain amount of suffering for the inspiration to discover new directions and interests.

An emotionally healthy man is resilient and can accept challenges and face up to his weaknesses and failures. He does not have to run away from his shadow or hide it. He can look in the mirror and recognise his responsibility for failure in his relationships. The absence of mental health makes a man want to run away from his failures and problems, to escape into alcohol and drugs and other addictions. A man shows mental health and strength when he makes apologies and changes his habits. A healthy man can change.

BTS’ songs address many forms of mental and emotional suffering – states of confusion, of self-doubt, of identity questioning, of depression and anxiety. The songs are a veritable catalogue of states of suffering in young men. These songs from the heart are not indicators of mental illness. They are about states of normal suffering in men young and old. It is healthy to give words to these feelings and to admit to having them. A healthy man can face his emotional suffering and find a way to endure and to contain it. That will build the base for resolution in the future.

Finally, a healthy man can love. He does not have to put himself in the centre of everything and ask others to love him unconditionally. He can bring love to others. BTS sings about this in the wonderful song, “Boy with Love.” There is a big difference, from a mental health point of view, between “being in love” and “being with love.” The one is needy, the other is bountiful and generous. The psychotherapist seeks to help his clients find love within themselves, not only in order to love themselves but to be able to give love to others.

In summary, signs of mental health are: a) the ability to suffer creatively, b) the ability to bear suffering and contain it, c) the ability to face failures and take responsibility, d) the ability to love and be open to new experiences, and e) the presence of a wide perspective on life that lets a man not need to put himself in the center of everything.

Murray Stein, Ph.D., author of Jung’s Map of the Soul and Map of the Soul: Persona (written especially for BTS fans with Drs. Steven Buser and Leonard Cruz)

Dr. Stein's Playlist

1. I'm Fine
2. Love Myself
3. Tomorrow
4. So What
5. The Last (Agust D)
6. Reflection
7. Fake Love
8. Spring Day
9. The Truth Untold
10. Moonchild
11. Boy With Luv

You can follow Murray Stein on their following social platforms:

Twitter: @murraywsteinII
Instagram: @murraywstein
Website: murraystein.com/