Torch Song - Kpop Dad

BTS help people, it's a fact, they help through their words, their songs their actions and just being who they are.

It's also fair to say that they themselves represent the most under supported gender in terms of mental health care.

They have never been shy in talking about how they feel, the hardships they have gone through and how they have come out the other side.

We at BTS Radio UK wanted to come together with ARMY across the world to support a charity wholly focused on the mental health of men, preventing suicide and supporting the families affected by male mental health.

WHAT IS CALM?

We are the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) and we’re leading a movement against suicide, the single biggest killer of men under the age of 45 in the UK through frontline services, national campaigns, and by building communities.

WHY?

·         6,507 people died by suicide in 2018 (ONS)

·         Every day on average 17 people take their own life in the UK and three in every four suicides are male (ONS)

·         Of men under the age of 45 in the UK, more than 4 in 10 have contemplated taking their own life, but fewer than half these men told anyone how they were feeling (YouGov)

·         Only 55% of men who’ve experienced depression will tell anyone about it, compared to 67% of women (CALM’s Masculinity Audit 2016).

·         84% of men say they bottle up their emotions (YouGov)

HOW?

CALM takes an active and positive approach to changing this unacceptable picture:

1. We operate on the front line, delivering services for anyone in crisis or distress, supporting the people around them who are looking for advice, and those bereaved by suicide
2. We campaign for long-term culture change to help raise awareness of suicide and change a culture where some people feel they can’t ask, or shouldn’t, ask for help when they’re down.
3. We spread our message and facilitate supportive spaces in workplaces, universities, pubs, clubs and prisons across the country – so that people feel empowered to share their experiences and get the help they need before they reach the point of crisis.

THE CALM APPROACH

CALM is a platform for expression and collaboration, where we actively reject living miserably to embrace and celebrate all interpretations of masculinity. 

CALM PROVIDES 

Frontline services

·         Anyone can hit crisis point. We run a free and confidential helpline and webchat – 7 hours a day, 7 days a week for anyone who needs to talk about life’s problems

·         We support those bereaved by suicide, through the Support After Suicide Partnership (SASP)

·         theCALMzone.net is CALM’s website, hosting inspiring content alongside information and support

Campaigns

·         Everyone has a part to play. We campaign with media partners, brands and ambassadors to spread awareness of suicide and its devastating impact with campaigns like #Project84, #DontBottleItUp and The Best Man Project. We challenge boring male stereotypes and encourage positive behavioural change and help-seeking behaviour, using cultural touch points like art, music, sport and comedy

OUR IMPACT

·         CALM’s helpline and webchat services directly prevented 675 suicides in 2018

·         Since CALM was founded in 2006, awareness of male suicide has quadrupled and currently sits at 45% nationally

·         CALM supports in excess of 10,000 contacts on the helpline and webchat each month

WHERE THE MONEY GOES

·         £8     Enables CALM to answer one potentially life-saving call

·         £24   Provides support materials to 4 families who have lost someone to suicide

·         £109 Equips a volunteer with vital training and ongoing support to spread the CALM message across the UK

·         £440 Trains and equips a professional helpline worker to speak to people in crisis

thecalmzone.net | @thecalmzone

We are hoping you will donate towards this wonderful charity and the work it is doing, here https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/bts-radio-uk-mybtstorchsong

To thank you for your support we approached some male army to talk about their experiences of mental health, they have kindly sent us their BTS songs that have become their torch songs, songs that touch you and get you through those moments something CALM knows about through their torch songs campaign.  #whatsyourtorchsong 

Read and share their stories, thank them for their honesty, donate and listen to their joint playlist here: #MyBTSTorchSong in support of CALM

Kpop Dad got into BTS through his two daughters and now garners over 13K followers on Twitter. Following his discovery of the world of BTS and Kpop, he started a YouTube channel, where he vlogs, reacts and remakes content all linked with the world of Kpop. It's safe to say, he may just be one of the coolest dads out there in the world and we love him for it! 

Fighting a Secret Battle

We all live in a large, chaotic, broken world full of people suffering from serious problems and extreme pain. It is not hard to be swept up in the storms of overpowering struggles. Our struggles often begin as external and circumstantial, but soon move to the battleground in the unseen landscape of our mind. For many, those battles rage on secretly, unknown to those around us. Men, in particular, are often expected to tough it out or deal with it privately which can often compound the problem rather than correct it. Some may get through this internal war on their own but many are unable to resolve their complex mental struggles and do not seek the help they need.

I myself have sunken into this secret battle leaving me feeling depressed, lost, and alone. Not all experiences are identical nor is there a magic bullet that ends the battle for everyone. There are general principles that are useful in guiding us through these struggles. Some of these principles are found in what has attracted many of us to the music and attributes of the Bangtan Boys, also commonly known as BTS. My personal struggles were resolved many years before I discovered the talents of BTS. It has become apparent to me that there are many things we can learn from the lyrics, the music and the attributes of the boys themselves.

BTS Setting an Example

Many of the attributes exhibited by BTS are what make this seven member group so appealing to those who are part of their fan base known as Army. These attributes also provide a good example for men in navigating their way to getting help. 

The boys all act with great unity though they are each unique in their own loves, desires, talents, and personalities. Not only has their appreciation for diversity been demonstrated toward each other but equally toward their fans. We each need to have that same appreciation for those who we have very little in common. The unity that BTS shows within their songs, within their performances is inescapable. Such unity takes a strong sense of devotion, a focus to work hard and a desire to be selfless. All these traits we should consider worthy to emulate and can help be protective against spiralling down into an unhealthy way of thinking. It helps us to be accessible to those who can help us. We all need people who know us and can help us when we get lost or alone and feel ourselves spiralling downward in our minds.

Many of us have watched countless interviews, behind the scenes, and documentaries of the boys to the point it feels like we know them personally. Ultimately what we have gained is a lived out example of the way BTS act toward each other and to the world around them. In my personal observation, the boys have noted examples of humility and an attempt, to be honest with who they are. It takes a lot to tear down the walls around our own hearts that say that I can handle this all by myself. Pride can be destructive but adopting the attribute of humility will help us to be honest about our need for help.

Playlist
This is not an exhaustive list of the music that BTS has created that is helpful toward pointing us in the right direction. These songs and many more have messages that we can relate to in our circumstances as well as be useful to adjust our thinking.
 

1. Tomorrow (2014)
2. Save Me (2016)
3. Begin (2016)
4. Sea (2017)
5. Move (2017)
6. Spring Day (2017)
7. Paradise (2018)
8. Magic Shop (2018)
9. Epiphany (2018)
10. Answer: Love Myself (2018)
11. So What (2018)
12. The Truth Untold (2018)
13. Euphoria (2018)
14. Serendipity (2018)
15. Best of Me (2018)
16. Jamais Vu (2019)
17. Make It Right (2019)
18. Mikrokosmos (2019)

No one song is the answer to all our mental struggles, but there can be found small encouragement that nudges us to move in the right direction. If we look at the lyrics (English translations because I don’t read hangul) we can find some helpful insight. This may or may not be the intended meaning but it is something I take away from these songs that I find meaningful.

Tomorrow (2014)
Too often we can let our disappointment that our dream is not yet realized tear us down. We feel like we are running in place no closer to reaching what we hope we will find tomorrow. Nothing is changing and every day is the same. The encouragement in this song is that living is more about chasing and striving even if we can’t reach the promises we hope to find in tomorrow. We need to run our race to reach the finish line. Keep going, never give up. A song like this can help us see that we should keep moving forward never look behind us. Tomorrow always seems out of reach but don’t let your frustration take over, just keep hoping and following after your dream. Though we don’t have what we hope for from tomorrow, today holds so much for us to enjoy and appreciate.

Magic Shop (2018)
You are not alone. The lie experienced by those withdrawn under the weight of personal depression is that they have no one who cares. But there have been so many before us that know our pain personally and can share with empathy their own stories. I see in this song the desire to care and comfort others. There are people in this world who want to take away our pain and sadness.

(English translated lyrics from Magic Shop)

But looking back on it now, truthfully

I feel like it’s not true that I wanted to be the best

I wanted to become your comfort and move your heart

I want to take away your sadness, and pain

So much of what we need through our own pain and suffering is to have someone come alongside us who cares. They can’t always solve our problems but want to help us carry them to lighten the load. We often can look to those who have been there and experienced more of life to mentor us in the dark days. Seeking help is so important. Help is there if you seek it.

So show me (I’ll show you)

So show me (I’ll show you)

So show me (I’ll show you)

Show you show you

I think many have been drawn to this ending seeing the reciprocal nature between the group and the fans. It is a great demonstration of the mutual need for support. 

Paradise (2018)
This song offers something very different and yet so valuable. We use terms like dreams and predetermined what that should look like experientially. When the preconceived notion of our dreams are not realised then sets in disappointment and a lack of joy in today. What the song rightly points out is that we can run so hard after a dream that we miss that we are already blessed and have something we can call paradise right in front of us. 

Lyrics (translated into English)

Stop runnin’ for nothin’ my friend

You don’t need to have a dream that everyone else has

Stop runnin’ for nothin’ my friend

All of the words that make you who you are is paradise

We often have what we need to be happy but sometimes we compare ourselves to others and think we need what they have to be happy. But dreams we take on based on what others have can often be baggage or dead weight that drag us down. If we have a dream, it is best when it is our own dream. If we don’t have a dream that doesn’t mean we cannot enjoy the life we have been gifted. Every life is a gift and has great value, Fully live out the life you have been blessed with whether your dreams are big or small, or not at all. 

Mikrokosmos (2019)

We can see from this song the importance of people and how we need each other. We are not alone. That is the lie that depression will tell us. Our pain and suffering that is hidden away in our thoughts pull us away from the very thing we need which is the care of other people. We don’t just need care for ourselves but we need to care for others.  

Lyrics (translated into English)

People's lights

All are precious

This dark night (Don't be lonely)

Like stars (We shine)

Don't disappear

'Cause you're a big existence

Let us shine

When we compare our existence to being one small light in a vast dark night we can feel insignificant and lose sight of our individual value. When we combine our light with those around us we see that we shine brighter and most importantly that we are not alone.

Shine, dream, smile

Oh let us light up the night

We shine in our own ways

Shine, dream, smile

Oh let us light up the night

We shine just the way we are

Tonight

When we look at the world around us we see a diverse world of people many of whom are nothing like us. The differences are not evidence of a different value but a demonstration that our value is not found in our similarity. We have the same value because we are all part of the same creation and together we light up the night. We can value our own life because we recognize the value of others and that we are not alone. 

A Remedy, A Melody

Obviously, when we look at the meaning a song can carry we look to the lyrics of the song.  While this is probably the most important component, I would also like to attribute the beauty of the music as an effective element toward our state of mind. The beats and melody that BTS use in their songs have helped lift my spirits. It helps me to be open to the importance and beauty of life in general and my own life specifically.  I think this mindset allows a way for the message to impact my thinking.

With all the challenges and struggles one person can endure in this world, it is a great first step to have something that guides us to deal with the troubles in our hearts and mind.  I hope that you find great enjoyment from listening to the talents of BTS. I also hope that if you feel despair that you will not hide from the help you need but will speak up and seek the care that can bring peace and change.  

Grace and peace.

KpopDAD

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